I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i want to swaddle you in tequila
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
