Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
