I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
