i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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