I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
