I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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