dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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