This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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