youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
