He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
