is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
