I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
