hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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