like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize