I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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