Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
