our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
