Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
