He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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