i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he thought i was a dude.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
