I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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