We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
no you cant smoke seaweed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
