The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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