Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
