so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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