I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
