he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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