It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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