I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
