haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
