How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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