I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
