fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if only i could text you this smell
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
