please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
