when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
