We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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