brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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