If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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