he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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