is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
