you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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