The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
