this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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