dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need to stop coming to work sober
My balls are so social today.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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