I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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