The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
