I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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