Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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