we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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