Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize