I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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