he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize