I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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