Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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