So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
