When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
