Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
