We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
