Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
