the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
