i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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