mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
