i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
