I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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