you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
