There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
