We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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